The Scary Beautiful Journey

Can I be totally honest? [Are missionaries allowed to do that?]

This journey we're on--the beautiful, exciting one--it's terrifying sometimes.

Like that feeling in your heart when you get an unexpected phone call at 3am kind of terrifying. You don't know what's about to happen. You don't know what's around the corner or what your life will look like next year or next month or tomorrow for that matter.

And if I'm totally honest, it can be super overwhelming sometimes.

When I think of selling everything we own, it's overwhelming. Our home that we've lived in for almost 5 years will be gone. It's the home we have lived in since the day we were married and the home we've put a lot of sweat into fixing up. It's the home we brought home our sweet baby boy to and the home we've rocked him in and the home I hear his little feet running to our bedroom in the morning and the home where we've cooked dinners and watched movies together and laughed and cried. It's where we come after long periods of traveling to rest and recuperate.

It'll be gone.

Our bed, our dining room table, our living room furniture, Elliott's name painted on his bedroom wall by my mom, that rocking chair I rock him in every night, all those toys, the plates, the pictures on the walls.

It'll all be gone.

When we step onto that airplane on August 30th and wave goodbye to our families through no doubt lots of tears, our lives will never, ever be the same. We will have sold everything and our possessions will consist of little more than what we can fit into the suitcases we carry. Our families will no longer be just a 15 minute drive away. We will be homeless, car-less, and family-less.

And I'd be a liar if I said that wasn't scary. I've never walked that road.

"But you've been dreaming of this for years!" you say. "This is what you've been working towards and praying for!"

And you're right. And it's still 100% our dream and our desire. Don't get me wrong or misunderstand. We WANT this.

But it's still scary.

This time next year, Lord willing, we will be living in a village with a people I can't communicate with. I'll have a 6 month old and a 3 year old. I'll have to cook a new way, dress a new way, talk a new way, do laundry a new way, sleep a new way, live a new way. I won't have communication with my family and friends in the States. I won't have the foods I'm accustomed to. I won't have the culture I'm accustomed to. I will bathe myself and our children in rain water when it's available or in the river when it's not. We'll get sick. Chances are really good that we'll all get malaria at some point, probably more than once and maybe even at the same time. The heat is intense and the days can be long. We will be tested and tried by the locals to see if we are real. We have been warned that we will be harassed. Things will likely be stolen. Everyone will be watching us, waiting to see our reactions. We will be stared at because, let's be honest, we look a little different.

And all these things, they are overwhelming.

So I've asked myself, "Is this worth it? Do I really want this for me and my family?"

I think thess are good questions. Jesus tells us to "count the cost" in Luke 14.

²⁵ Now great crowds were traveling with Him. So He turned and said to them: ²⁶ “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, and even his own life—he cannot be My disciple. ²⁷ Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.

²⁸ “For which of you, wanting to build a tower, doesn’t first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? ²⁹ Otherwise, after he has laid the foundation and cannot finish it, all the onlookers will begin to make fun of him, ³⁰ saying, ‘This man started to build and wasn’t able to finish.’

³¹ “Or what king, going to war against another king, will not first sit down and decide if he is able with 10,000 to oppose the one who comes against him with 20,000? ³² If not, while the other is still far off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. ³³ In the same way, therefore, every one of you who does not say good-bye to all his possessions cannot be My disciple.

So I did. I counted the cost. And I searched my heart to see if this was genuine because I knew that if it wasn't I wouldn't make it.

In my mind I put all of our possessions and families and friends on one side of the scale. I thought of what we could have if we stayed here. Richard has enough aviation experience and connections that he could get a great job making 6 figures, easy. We could have a nice home and we could go on lots of mission trips and do lots of great things and support missionaries. I know a LOT of great Christians who God has given this path and they are a tremendous blessing to a lot of people, us included. God uses them just like missionaries in far away places. We could do that.

But on the other side I put the Cross that Jesus died on and I put the Indians that He died for. I put the calling that He has placed in our lives to specifically go. I put the open doors and all of our supporters and prayer warriors who patiently and persistently serve with us. I put our children who need us to follow the call on our lives so that they see we are genuine and this faith thing is real.

And it was no contest.

Because one day, when we stand before God, or rather when I stand before Him all alone, it won't matter if I did great things of my own will. It will matter that I followed His will.

So it's scary and overwhelming, but He's given me peace that He'll be there every step of the way (Hebrews 13.5).

I've already warned Richard that there will likely be a whole lot of tears in the beginning from this gal right here. It will be hard sometimes. But the truth is that we will make new friends. We will have a family there. We will learn their language and their culture and eventually I will cook like them and, while I'll never look like them, I can at least live like them.

And God will be glorified as we follow Him.


Thank you for your prayers and encouragement as we continue on this journey--the scary beautiful one.

How Dare I?

Worry.

It's my thorn in the flesh. I consumes me more often than I like to admit.

I'm supposed to be brave and bold. But I'm fearful and hesitant. I must be adventurous to be on this journey, right? But I'm not.

Usually I fight this battle with Scripture like Philippians 4.8:
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.

Or Proverbs 3.5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own understanding;
think about Him in all your ways,
and He will guide you on the right paths.

Then there's Philippians 4.6-7
Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

And these are right and good. But recently I found myself consumed with worry and fear about my husbands trip to the Jung|e. Questions and doubts flood my mind.

Will he be safe? Will he come home? The dangers are very real.

The day he left, God spoke to me while at our church's Wednesday evening service. But it wasn't in the usual way. No comforting verses this time. No peace that passes understanding.

It was a reprimand.

The speaker in the class was also going on the trip and had left his phone on to catch any last minute calls about the trip. As the class was wrapping up, he got a text from someone telling him that they and their church family were praying for the trip.

That's the moment God spoke to me.

"How dare you worry?" He said. Loud and clear.

Who do I think I am to worry about how this trip will play out? I have no say in the matter. And while I worry and fret, other believers are praying in faith. While I seek the selfish return of my husband, others are focused on the work at hand--bringing fresh water to a tribe dying for the Living Water.

How dare I be so self-consumed to worry? Because worrying is like telling God I just don't think He can handle this one. Sure, He's done amazing things in the past, but this time? No. This one is a doozy.

Worry is putting my desires above God's glory.

As I post updates about the trip and send out e-mails, I am blown away with the responses from friends. There are literally people around the world praying for this team of men. This team of men that God brought together to do His purpose in His timing in His way.

So I repent of my worry and doubt and trust that God is actually in control... and not me.

And I pray. I pray that God will give me the faith to trust.

And I praise. I praise Him that He loves me enough to reprimand me and say,

"Enough! Trust me."

Do you still want it?

“If you could have all of Heaven that the Bible explains and the only difference is that Jesus isn’t there, would you still want it?”

Ever since I heard that question posed by a popular Theologian/Pastor/Teacher it has really made me think – but not about that specific question. Let’s start with the question posed first. I really think that in the area of the world that I live the unfortunate truth is that the answer from many people professing to be Christians would be – Yes (even though, like I, they would initially deny it). How did we get to a point where “Heaven” is the point? The ultimate end-all? That’s not what Christ taught.

 At this point some people may already be mildly offended that such a question could be posed – please keep reading.

You see, the fact is, this question exposes a MAJOR flaw in the current modern “Christian” ideas of Salvation, Redemption and Regeneration. When you hear the Gospel shared, what is the primary focus? – Saving us from Hell. Some may ask what the problem with this is. I hear about so many people (and I was one of them) who say – I got saved because I didn’t want to go to hell. The reality is that I remember after having the “Romans Road” explained to me, I prayed the prayer and was welcomed into the family – the truth is I had no idea what had happened because afterwards, I stepped out to share with my mom what happened I remember saying, “Well, we prayed and everything but I think I still have some more to do”.  I didn’t understand  what really was being offered to me, I had the knowledge that I was a sinner (because I did things wrong) and that Jesus died on the cross to let me go to Heaven but I didn’t understand that He was the COMPLETE satisfaction to my debt and that my redemption was sealed in Him. I thought, getting saved means I don’t have to worry about Hell and “you know that’s good, one less thing to have to worry about” (to quote Forrest Gump).

Now, show me where Christ said, “I have come so you don’t have to go to Hell” or “if you want to not burn forever, just repeat this prayer”.  You see, God is the point of Salvation.  The prophet Isaiah teaches us that it “pleased” the Father to bruise and crush the Son. The primary reason of salvation is the Glory of God. A REAL relationship with the God of the universe, a chance to know the one that gives us breath every day. We are eternally, unconditionally loved by the Divine God of the Universe. He jealously, endlessly pursues us. He gave Himself for us. So, where does hell come in here? It is TOTALLY secondary! The fact that we don’t go to hell is a pleasant by-product when compared to the priority that we GET a real, intimate, relationship with the One who gives life. We get to be loved by Love. We get taught by the Teacher. The Father is ours. The Master leads us through His plan for our life. The point is HIM not Hell. If the truth is that Christ is primary and getting out of hell is a by-product, why is it presented backwards so often?  How come I have heard, “ If we could just drill a hole to hell and let everyone in the world see it for just a second, EVERYONE would get saved” more times than I care to count by pastors bent on “getting people out of hell”. Christ NEVER told us to go and “keep people out of hell”. He said to make disciples and followers of all nations – btw, his standard for a disciple is much higher than just being at church every time the door is open (please do not take this as a stance for “Lordship Salvation” – Christ is all and only, works do nothing but PROVE our devotion to Him).

Why do we put such a focus on hell?- It evokes an emotional response, it is about the fastest way to get people to raise their hand and pray the prayer. But how many of them walk away with that same, unregenerated idea that there is “still more to do”. I believe, by my own personal experience, that we teach that and repeat that because we don’t really know God and what He is really offering when he redeems us (not questioning others salvation).

Let us do what Christ called us to do and be HIM to the world, prove our devotion to Him by living Holy, loving, imitating lives. Let us preach the Gospel that he offers a real life, more abundant, full of real joy and the most intimate relationship we will ever experience and that means we will live in eternal Glory with Him in Heaven, not separated in eternal torture…..Let us put the focus back where it goes.

Created to Praise

We sat on the back-flap of the boat and it was Christmas Eve. Elliott was sleeping and it was an unusually cool mid-morning. The missionary kids were busy doing their schoolwork, leaving just me and Richard to gaze in wonder.

Pink dolphins at play.

We had seen the pink dolphins before, but mostly fleeting glances. This time there they were, five or six that we could count, leaping and playing in the river for nearly an hour.

Beautiful.

That was over a year ago on a trip to the Jung|e but the memory is clearly etched. Now I sit on my couch Stateside and hear the sound of birds outside my window, announcing Spring is finally making its debut.

And it hits me, though it's not a new thought: All of creation is glorifying God, yet I, in all my faithlessness and fearfulness, worry and fret.

The dolphins play. The birds chirp. The planets rotate. The stars blaze. The grass grows. The clouds pour out. The whole Universe sings His praises by doing what it was created to do.

The me tries to do life by myself.

I tell God I can handle this one. He can wait.

Instead of shouting His praises and waiting on Him, I shout my disbelief and demand He do things my way.

Little me, boldly defying the One who wrote my very DNA. Forgetting my DNA was indeed created for the purpose of praising Him.

I worry and the Holy Spirit whispers:

Look at the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? Can any of you add a single cubit to his height by worrying? (Matthew 6.26-27)

I demand my way and the Holy Spirit whispers:

Where were you when I established the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding. (Job 38.4)

For a moment my heart is silenced. Who am I?

And all at once I realize I am tired and the Holy Spirit whispers:
Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. (Matthew 11.28-30)

You will find rest, He says. My burden is light, He says.

That sounds wonderful, my heart says. And I continue this journey of letting go and letting God.

Am I Peter?

Am I Peter?

I see the Lord at work where we are going; much like Peter saw Jesus walking on water. It looks impossible. It looks scary. It looks exciting. 

Peter wants to be there, to experience it firsthand.

I can almost picture it. On the boat, the disciples row and fight to keep afloat in the midst of a powerful storm. They are exhausted and the chaos around them may prove to be their demise.  They rock to and fro, on the verge of giving up hope, when someone shouts, “What’s that?!”

They all turn their attention to the shout and in the distance, just as a wave crests, they see it. “A ghost!” shouts another disciple. They tremble.

“Have courage! It’s me. Don’t be afraid,” comes the voice they all know, the voice of the One they follow. Hope.

Peter’s hearts is racing with adrenaline and unexpectedly he shouts, “If it’s You, command me to come to You on the water.” The other disciples stare at him in disbelief. It’s 3am and Peter has lost his mind.

Without hesitation, Jesus utters one simple word, “Come.”

Immediately, Peter abandons all and climbs out of the beaten boat, still thrashing in the waves. The disciples watch in wonder as Peter is suspended on the surface of the water, Jesus just a few steps away.

He walks on the water, his mouth open in amazement. He sees Jesus and a smile forms.

Then it hits him: I’m walking on water in the middle of a storm. I’m walking on water. In the middle of a storm. His heart races, his eyes dart back and forth, and his feet begin to sink. The waves seem higher than before, the wind stronger. “Lord, save me!” he yells above the howl of the wind.

 Jesus, ever faithful, immediately reaches out His hand and takes hold of him.

“You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

The same one with the faith to step out of the boat is deemed the one of little faith.

The words must have echoed in Peter’s heart in the days, weeks, and years thereafter.

What would have happened if he had just believed? No doubt, just pure faith.

There is a war in the Jung|e. It’s a battle that’s been raging in the hearts and lives of the natives for centuries. And Jesus is there, doing the impossible.  Walking on the water. And here, safe in the boat, I beg Him to let us walk with Him. Our prayer echoes Peter’s, “Command us to come out of the boat.”

And He does.

So we begin our descent from the safety of our boat.

And the question lingers: When my feet hit the water, will I have the faith? Or will I, like Peter, begin to sink?

When the waves are high and the wind is strong and the battle rages and the days are long, will I remain firmly planted on the water my Jesus has empowered me to walk on?

Or will I hear the words, “Why did you doubt?”

“May I be found full of faith,” my heart prays, as my feet touch the water.

Actually praying...

God has been working in my heart lately about praying all throughout the day for people as they come to mind, not just at night before I go to bed. I think that's what Paul meant when he said, "Pray without ceasing." (1 Thessalonians 5.17) Why is it so hard sometimes to constantly be in communication with our Father??

There are some missionaries that we are friends with or support that I think of often, but I came up with an idea about how to keep on top of praying for a lot of different missionaries, too.

Also, we recently started sponsoring a sweet little Ugandan girl named Maimuna and wanted a way to keep her on our minds and hearts regularly.

So, here's what I did...

I took a bulletin board that we had already and put Maimuna's picture on it and a section for the "Missionary of the Week", using construction paper for a simple background. At the bottom I strung a piece of paracord (ribbon would work, too) and used clothes pins to attach the picture that Maimuna drew for us as well as some photos a missionary friend in the Dominican Republic recently sent us. I also hole-punched and strung up all the missionary prayer cards that we have and pinned them in the corner so that we can change them out and dedicate an entire week of praying for them specifically.

It was super simple, took about an hour to do, and since I already had all the materials around the house, it was free! We're going to put it in our kitchen so we see it often and can pray constantly for them.

If you don't have a "system" set up for praying for missionaries, this is a good way to do it! Take that pile of prayer cards you've collected and make good use of them. If you're a creative person (which I'm not) you can even make yours look a lot prettier than mine and give me some pointers ;)

It's Official!

The helicopter training is complete and he's a certified commercial HELICOPTER pilot!

Thank you for praying, giving, and encouraging to make this a reality!!