Pray Small, Too

Sometimes, when I pray and get the answer I'm hoping for, I tell myself it was a coincidence.

Lame, I know.

Why pray if, when it's answered, you write it off, right?

Here's an example:

About a month ago, Richard was on a trip to the Jung|e and I was at a beach house here in Brazil--suffering for Jesus--with some new friends.

One night, I was particularly tired. Elliott had been extra, shall we say, "passionate" that day and Raegan, while a very good baby, was still waking up during the night for feedings.

It was about 2am and I had just laid Raegan back down to sleep when.... she got the hiccups.

This may not seem like a big deal, but I knew from experience that these would keep her awake for at least 15 minutes and then I'd likely have to bounce her back to sleep for another 15 or so.

At 2am, that's just not on my things-I'm-excited-to-do list.

So, I prayed. As petty as it seemed, I prayed. Something like, "Lord, please--PLEASE--make these hiccups go away so I can sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep."

[There was admittedly some desperation sprinkled in there.]

What's funny? Before I had finished praying, the hiccups where gone and she was out like a light. Slept the rest of the night, too.

Again, may not seem like a biggie, but when this baby girl gets hiccups, they last a good 10-15 minutes. This had been less than a minute. That has never happened before.

Even in my foggy brain so early in the morning, I thought, "Really? Just like that, they're gone? Must've been a coincidence." And then I slipped off into dreamland.

The next morning, I remembered the incident and thought through it again.

Was it a coincidence? Does God really care if I get sleep? Aren't there more important things He has to deal with like the teenage girl who gave birth to a baby and had nothing for her that I had heard about earlier that same day? God is so much bigger than my sleep deprivation issues! Coincidence it was.

Then a thought hit me:

I'm not magnifying God by thinking He doesn't care about the little things in my life. I'm actually making Him very, very small.

Here's what I mean:

If God isn't big enough to care about the details of my life, how big does an issue have to be for Him to care about it? And does God have to divide up His "time" to make sure the "most important" things are taken care of in the world first?

Yes, I need sleep to survive... but there was a girl who gave birth to a baby and had nothing for her.

Yes, it was hard for this girl to give birth with nothing... but there are children starving around the world.

Yes, there are children starving around the world... but there are also children being sold as sex slaves.

So, how does God prioritize what He cares about?

What I'm saying is this: 

We serve such a BIG God that He can care about the seemingly insignificant things in my life, while simultaneously taking care of the needs of the dying, destitute, lonely, hungry, hurting, tired, lost, and broken all around the world.

He doesn't have to prioritize. He can meet all of our needs, all the time, in the best way possible.

He's GOD!

At the same time, God is not a genie in a bottle. I certainly don't think that He answers all of our prayers just how we want them. Trust me, if that were true I would get a full night's sleep every night!

He just loves us so personally and intimately that He can and does in fact take the time to listen to our "little" prayers.

Of course there are needs much greater in this world than my sleep. I could list a million of them right here!

But the point is we serve a BIG God. He loves us. He knows our needs. He hears our prayers. He knows the number of hairs on our head for goodness sake (Matthew 10.30)!

So now I find myself praying more detailed prayers. Things that, before I would have written off as "unimportant", I pray them. Because I know that, even though they may not be answered the way I would like, I have a Father in Heaven who is listening (Ps 145.18) and loves me because I am His child (Ephesians 1.5-6), created in His image (Gen 1.27) for His glory (1 Cor 10.31), and He will answer them according to His perfect plan (Rom 8.28).

Who knows? Maybe He answers my "small" prayer for rest to use me to answer someone else's prayer for a listening ear from someone who is fully engaged (hard to do when you're exhausted!)

There's a much bigger plan at play here. 

Let's remember how big God is and pray accordingly.



"Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond ALL that we ask or think according to the power that works in us--to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
Ephesians 3.20-21 (emphasis mine)

How Dare I?

Worry.

It's my thorn in the flesh. I consumes me more often than I like to admit.

I'm supposed to be brave and bold. But I'm fearful and hesitant. I must be adventurous to be on this journey, right? But I'm not.

Usually I fight this battle with Scripture like Philippians 4.8:
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.

Or Proverbs 3.5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own understanding;
think about Him in all your ways,
and He will guide you on the right paths.

Then there's Philippians 4.6-7
Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

And these are right and good. But recently I found myself consumed with worry and fear about my husbands trip to the Jung|e. Questions and doubts flood my mind.

Will he be safe? Will he come home? The dangers are very real.

The day he left, God spoke to me while at our church's Wednesday evening service. But it wasn't in the usual way. No comforting verses this time. No peace that passes understanding.

It was a reprimand.

The speaker in the class was also going on the trip and had left his phone on to catch any last minute calls about the trip. As the class was wrapping up, he got a text from someone telling him that they and their church family were praying for the trip.

That's the moment God spoke to me.

"How dare you worry?" He said. Loud and clear.

Who do I think I am to worry about how this trip will play out? I have no say in the matter. And while I worry and fret, other believers are praying in faith. While I seek the selfish return of my husband, others are focused on the work at hand--bringing fresh water to a tribe dying for the Living Water.

How dare I be so self-consumed to worry? Because worrying is like telling God I just don't think He can handle this one. Sure, He's done amazing things in the past, but this time? No. This one is a doozy.

Worry is putting my desires above God's glory.

As I post updates about the trip and send out e-mails, I am blown away with the responses from friends. There are literally people around the world praying for this team of men. This team of men that God brought together to do His purpose in His timing in His way.

So I repent of my worry and doubt and trust that God is actually in control... and not me.

And I pray. I pray that God will give me the faith to trust.

And I praise. I praise Him that He loves me enough to reprimand me and say,

"Enough! Trust me."

Thankful Thursday: God's Patience

As I read the e-mail my heart sank. When I got the phone call with the good news, I was ecstatic! When Richard told me about his conversation, I became worried. When we hadn't heard back, I was stressed. When I read the text, I was encouraged.

All of this in just a day's time.

At the end of the day I was emotionally drained, worried, stressed, doubtful, and confused from the emotional rollercoaster I had voluntarily put myself on. None of these were emotions sparked by the Holy Spirit but I felt like I couldn't help myself. With each new piece of news flooding my life I was being carried away by my feelings and emotions and it left me defeated and exhausted.

When we face criticism, I feel defeated.
When we face financial uncertainty, I feel fear.
When we face conflict, I feel stress.

And I find myself lingering on these emotions much longer than when we get great news about a new ministry partner or an encouraging word from a friend or a generous gift from a fellow believer. I allow the disappointments and frustrations to rule and reign in my heart instead of the peace of God. I miss the little blessings He's pouring on me because I can't get past the disappointments.

Then I realize that I'm missing, once again, the big picture. The one that shows God in control and me along for the journey. The one where God works out the details and I wait in patience and awe of how He'll pull it all together in the end.

Sometimes I forget that things just aren't up to me. I don't get to decide when or how or even if things will work out. I don't get to make things happen my way.

So many analogies come to mind with parenting.

So often I have to say to Elliott "you can't pitch a fit and get what you want" or "you can't yell 'no' and get your way". And I bet if I had a dollar for every time I've had to tell Elliott to wait patiently, we'd be millionaires! Yet somehow these ideas don't sink into my own head.

But God is so patient.

He's patient when I'm fearful again that things won't work out. He's patient when I'm angry about hurtful words from someone who doesn't know me. He's patient when I want to try to handle things on my own first. He's patient when I'm prideful and selfish. He's patient when I don't trust His wisdom.

And every time He gently reminds me that He is ultimately in control, I find myself back on my face saying, "Thank You for being so very, very patient with me."

What a good, good God we serve.

What If We Don't Die Young?

I'm a worrier. It's something I've struggled with as far back as I can remember.

For example, one time in fourth grade, a girl came into our class saying that she was late because there was a car wreck on her way to school and the traffic was backed up. I burst into tears because I just knew that that was my mom and that she was hurt and they had to rush her to the hospital and.... Yeah. I was nine and I worried that intensely. (By the way, it wasn't my mom.)


Anyway, the other day I tried a little "reverse worrying". It went something like this:

What if something bad doesn't happen to my family?
What if Richard doesn't get in a plane crash?
What if Elliott does stay healthy?
What if we are able to make first contact with a people group and they receive the Gospel?
What if we do get the rest of our support raised and go to the field next spring full time?
What if my family doesn't ever face tragedy?
What if I don't die young?

And the list continued. Why did I do this?

Because I realized that I have no control either way so it makes just as much sense to worry about "good" things happening.

And what if I do spend the rest of my life worrying and when I get to the end I realize that God was in control all along?

I have a feeling that would be a very embarrassing thing to stand in front of an all-powerful God who already promised He'd never leave us or forsake us and try to explain why I worried so, so much.



"Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13.5




"But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God." Acts 20.24