These Demons are Pretty

“Go watch Elliott,” Richard said to me very seriously.

I stepped into the kitchen in our tiny wooden jungle home and looked out onto the back patio where Elliott liked to play in the big water basin. He was three and a half and full of imagination and wonder at all the things the world had to offer. I watched as he played contently, then glanced up into the virgin jungle behind our home. Then a smiled spread across his face as he waved enthusiastically. That’s when my own smile faded.

The Savage

I remember very vividly the first time I saw him.

Mariclene had been our breakfast visitor for a while and on occassion she would show up with one of her biological siblings so they could also devour eggs and bread, often their only real meal for the day.

He was butt. naked.

Every time he showed up. Naked.

His long, seemingly highlighted, curly hair reached his shoulders and he had this wild-eyed look on his face at all times. He was about two years old at the time and couldn’t say a single word. He always came toting his little broken riding toy. (And if another child tried to take said toy, screaming and grunting quickly ensued!)

Dear God, That Was Unexpected

Dear God,

Remember the other day when I asked You to send someone our way that we could be a blessing to? And remember how not long ago I asked You to take me out of my comfort zone? And remember how a little while back I had asked You to teach me a little bit about what it meant to serve You and it actually cost me something?

Ok, well, I guess I didn't expect You to answer all three of those, like, at the same time.

For real, though. I wasn't expecting that.

But, since You have, and since You are sovereign and all knowing and never make mistakes, I'm now asking you for a little bit a lot of wisdom. And by a lot I mean A LOT. Like, the biggest dose You can give me without my brain exploding.

And, also, since You were so quick to answer those three requests I mentioned above, could You also answer this one really quickly?

You're awesome. Seriously. I am literally in awe of You and who You are.

I looked up the definition of "awe" and it means: "an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like"

That's basically a perfect description of how I feel right now.

But also, I feel overwhelmed by my inadequacy. I'm overwhelmed by my lack of faith, my selfishness, my helplessness, and my overall inability to go more than five minutes without once again relying on myself rather than You.

So thanks for being all that You are and never giving up on me and for loving me enough to stretch me and grow me. You're so good like that.

Love Your Modern Day Doubting Thomas,
Ashley