Sometimes, I'm afraid.
There. I said it.
Yes, even "bold, brave missionaries" can be afraid.
I'm afraid of the malaria and yellow fever and dengue. It can strike my children, my husband, me. I'm afraid of those snakes with venom filled teeth and that river current that's so strong.
It seems like in the Jungle we are more vulnerable some how. That death and hurt and sickness are more prevalent and lurking about.
Is it so, though? God says not to be afraid (Isaiah 41.10). And I know in my heart that the fact of the matter is nothing will happen to us outside of His divine will for our lives and that everything He allows is indeed for our good and His glory. (Romans 8.28)
And I should be good with that.
But when I hold this warm little girl on my chest and my big boy declares proudly, "Mama, did you see that cool trick?!" as he jumps from the bed again in triumph, I can't help be fight fear that I could lose them. So, yes I, too, am afraid sometimes.
But I remember that God is good. That His plans are good. That His mercies endure forever.
I don't have to be afraid because He has conquered fear.
And I am never safer than I am when I am right in the middle of his will for my life.
So when the fear creeps in about the "what if" this and "what if" that, I choose faith instead.
Faith in His goodness. Faith in His timing. Faith in Him.