Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Dear God, I Think I get it

Dear God,

It's me again.

Today, Richard was cussed out by the blessing [in disguise?] that you have put in our lives.

We have sacrificed our time and resources to help them. We have given above and beyond what we thought we could give. We've spent money, gas (and that's not cheap if you haven't noticed...), time, and energy to do everything we possibly can to help them in their desperate time of need. I've driven many miles, waited in waiting rooms for many hours, sacrificed time with my family, answered 100 phone calls and made just as many, stood in the heat for more than an hour because my car wouldn't start but I needed to get to the next place of help before they closed. I've given and given and asked others to give. Literally all of our focus has gone to them over the last 72 hours because we know that that is what you require of us. That is what your love tells us to do.

Their response? Doubting. Hateful words. Lack of effort. Ungratefulness. Selfishness. Greediness. And more hateful words.

And to top it all off, we finally come up with a solution that will help them out in the long run. It's uncomfortable now. It's not what they want now, but it will have the most long term good, and they tell us it's not good enough. That it's unfair.

Me? I sit here exhausted. My mind is tired. My body is tired. And my heart is heavy.

And I get it. I get at least one small part of what You are teaching me.

You have given it all for me. You have listened and held me and comforted me. You wrote an entire book for me. You promised to always be with me and to love me unconditionally. You said I didn't need to ever worry because You are in control. You said You have a beautiful plan for my life. And You went so far as to sacrifice Your only Son to prove that.

My response? I doubt You. I say faithless things to You. I'm selfish and greedy. I'm ungrateful and I don't trust You.

But at the end of the day, You still love me. You still listen to my complaining and never turn Your back on me. You keep your promises and always forgive me when I wrong You.

So tomorrow I will follow your example. I'm going to wake up and spend the day loving them in the same way that You have loved me. I'm going to spend more time and money and gas. I'm going to spend more time away from my family. I'm likely going to spend hours doing things that are inconvenient and uncomfortable for me.

I'm going to do that because no matter how much I sacrifice, it pales in comparison to your unending mercy and grace in my life. And demonstrating Your love to others is the very least that I can do

Thank You for trusting me with Your name like that.

'Til the Work is Done,
Ashley

(Disclaimer: To those of you who know the full story, only one half of the couple was as described above. The other half was very grateful and is working hard to better the situation.)

2 comments:

  1. Wow! Sorry guys! Yep, I've been there with a homeless guy whom I thought was dying behind a building I manage. Months later we had spent time, money, more time, more money and finally set up a small living area in my shop for him to live in for several months. It seemed that all he did was slap me in the face, lie to me, disappoint me, until finally I had to ask him to leave. WHY? What was this event in my life for? Why was he not grateful, thankful---not that I required anything from him! The Lord used me...I know He did, I just don't know for what!

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  2. Richard and AshleyJuly 13, 2011 at 6:45 PM

    Yeah, it's a process, for sure. God is stretching us, but He's giving us the grace and patience we need to demonstrate His love. We know that He has a plan, we're just along for the ride! :)

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