Dear God, I Don't Think I Get It,

Dear God,

Sometimes in life we have beautiful stories to tell. Stories of redemption and faith and renewed hearts. Stories of eyes opened and wounds healed.

Today is not one of those days for us. A week ago last night, you brought a young couple into our lives that we had high hopes for. We knew You had brought them into our lives for a purpose and prayed without ceasing that we would be faithful to complete the calling You gave us to show them Your love.

We gave without hesitation of our time, money, and energy. We mentored them one on one for hours. We drove them for miles. We gave them food. We gave them a place to sleep. We talked to them on the phone for hours until late into the night as they asked for help. We shared of Your love and redeeming power and told them that it was because of those things that we love them with an unselfish love.

And a week later, to the day, they told us we had ruined their lives. Told us that we were "supposed to do more". Blamed us for their situation and cussed at us for not solving their problems.

They said they didn't need us and that they could do it on their own, overlooking the fact that the food they ate and the shelter they had were from us. Overlooking the fact that the potential job opportunities were because of our phone calls. Overlooking the fact that they literally have no one else in the world that cares about them.

And everything in me wanted to shout, "Fine! Do it yourselves! Be ungrateful and selfish and try to figure it all out on your own. We've poured out our lives for the past week, and for what? Nothing! So good luck and don't call us when you hit rock bottom!"

But Your spirit sustained me. And we told them we love them and we are here anytime they change their minds.

So after just one short week, I come to You and say, "I don't get it."

I don't get Your unfailing love. I don't understand how Your mercies are new every morning and You are faithful to answer when we call. I don't know how You can give us chance after chance as we tell You, "No, we've got this one."

Don't You want to say, "Fine! Do it yourself! Be ungrateful and selfish and try to figure it all out on your own. I've poured out my Son's blood for you and for what? Nothing! So good luck and don't call Me when you hit rock bottom!"?

Isn't that what we deserve? Isn't that what is right and just?

But You are faithful and Your love is so pure that You will let us try it all on our own if that is what we choose. But when we fail and come to our end, You are always there with new mercy to pick us back up and love us just the same as the day You created us. You see us as clean through the blood of Your Son.

And I just don't get it.

I don't get it, but I thank You for it. I thank You that it's Your Spirit that works in and through me, because I don't have the strength or the desire on my own to show such mercy and grace. It is only You in me.

Thank You for this experience and thank You that even when I don't get it, I can trust that Your ways are now my ways and that You are indeed up to something much bigger than what my eyes can see.

Trusting Your Hand,
Ashley