The past couple months have been a sort of roller coaster ride for me spiritually and emotionally. I feel like God's been vamping up the hard lessons and trying to teach me something... just not sure exactly what. Just being a bit transparent here.
Today I'm thankful for a tough God. And I mean that in every sense of the word.
I'm thankful for a God who doesn't back down on right and wrong and isn't afraid to discipline. Now that Elliott is at the age where he's making conscious decisions about what's right and wrong, we've entered the world of discipline [OK, maybe we've been there for several months now]... and it's much harder than I anticipated! Even after he does something wrong, when he looks up at me with those big blue eyes and little smirk, he's just so darn cute! But I know that as a parent it's my responsibility to love him enough to discipline. I've failed a time or two when he's had those big tears rolling down his face, but I'm so glad to know that God loves us so much, He disciplines exactly how we need it, exactly when we need it... and then He's there to wipe our tears and help us take the next step in the right direction.
I'm also thankful for a tough God who is powerful enough to pull us through the tough times. Monday was one of the most frightening days of my life. After lunch with Richard, I had an allergic reaction that landed me in the ER. I've never had to go to the ER for anything and I'd be OK if I never had to go back. At one point, I remember thinking that I was going to die and I just asked God to pull me through. I had this strange peace and even though I still thought it might be the end, it was good to know that I serve a God that has the power to choose... and what He chooses is always what's best.
He's also a God who can handle when we turn our back on Him. He's tough enough to stick with us, even when we act like we don't want Him. I can't imagine having that sort of resilience if the person I loved and had given my only son for treated me like that. So many times I ignore Him or try it my way when He's trying to show me what's best. It's like slapping Him in the face. But every time I find that I'm at the end of my rope, when I turn back around, He's right there waiting for me.
He's a tough God. And He's good like that.