Top Ten Highlights of 2013

I laid in bed this morning listening to the rain on the metal roof of our home, thinking about the past year and one thought kept resonating in my mind.

We are crazy.

Or at least this year almost made us that way. 

But by the grace of God, we are different people today that we were twelve short months ago—a little wiser, a little stronger, with a little more faith… and a little thinner.

Here are the top ten highlights of 2013, in no particular order:

1) Go West Young Man

Back in the spring we made the move from the east coast of Brazil (Recife) to the western border, where Colombia, Peru, and Brazil collide. We had every intention of moving into an Indian village, but literally two weeks before we moved, God slammed that door closed via the village chief changing his mind, leaving us with $3,500 worth of wood we had already purchased to build our home and 46 people with plane tickets ready to come help with the construction. You can read more about that and the details here.

Looking back, we see clearly how God orchestrated every detail to bring us right to the home we are in now. Thank you, Jesus.

2) Jungle Hosts

This year we had a total of 64 visitors from the US of A, from work teams to young couples exploring missions to friends wanting a good dose of Jungle life and lending a helping hand. Forty six of those were in a four week stretch! These teams were able to accomplish many work projects that we could not have finished on our own. They also provided spiritual encouragement… and a chance to speak English!!

Thank you to all who came and served. We hope that you left with more than just sunburns and worm meds ;)

3) A Teensy Tiny Dose of Aviation

We don’t yet have a helicopter down here (stay tuned for future plans!!), but Richard had the privilege to fly our partnering missionary’s airplane on two separate occasions. He very first jungle flight was to deliver water filters to a village in Peru. It “just so happened” that we had 17 filters to deliver and there were 17 families. (Pretty sure God had that planned out.)

The second was a medical flight for a woman who had had a c-section because her husband had kicked her in her belly, killing one of the twin babies inside. She was bleeding at the incision site. Richard was able to bring her to a hospital where she could receive treatment.

While it’s been challenging for Richard to be absent from aviation for this long, we know that God is cooking something up for the future. Doors are opening and we are praying for wisdom as we raise the necessary funds in 2014.

4) Putting That Medical Training to Good Use

We were blessed to be able to go through Equip International’s Missionary Medical Intensives course before we came here to the Jungle. The knowledge we gained from those twelve days has been invaluable during our time here. We have treated deep cuts, rashes, tropical ulcers, parasites, tropical diseases, whooping cough, monkey and spider bites, aided in the treatment of Tuberculosis and the list goes on. We have used countless band-aids and yards of coban wrap. We’ve had the opportunity to teach natural alternatives to medicine and health and hygiene for community health.

It’s been a humbling experience to be the hands and feet of the Great Physician, the only one who can truly heal. Amazing.

5) Disciples Making Disciples

Back in January, Richard met a young couple who welcomedtheir first child at the Indigenous Seminary. We had no idea at the time how God would weave this family into our own. 

In June, we received word that Alberto, the father, was nearly dead with TB. Prompted to action by the Holy Spirit, we paid to have him brought here to Benjamin to get treatment. We are friends with the owner of the hotel here in town and she allowed him to stay for three weeks where we used natural treatments to get his body in a state to undergo the antibiotic regime he needed.

Fast-forward to August and we felt God leading us to hostthem in our own home, to do life with them, teaching them, learning from them.

Five months later, we praise God as we see how we have all grown spiritually through this time together. We see how they have overcome cultural hurdles to show physical affection to their daughter. We have seen them open up to us as friends and fellow believers. They have watched us stumble and we have watched them fight against what the Holy Spirit is leading and we have seen how those experiences have been used to mold us more into the image of Christ.

It’s been hard. I won’t lie. You take two COMPLETELY different cultures and put them in the same house, you’re going to have struggles. But how amazing to watch as God conforms us more into His image through these trials and experiences. Only a God as big as ours could pull that one off.

6) House or Hotel?

There have been times throughout this year that we have asked ourselves, “Is this a house we live in or a hotel?” Between the teams, our discipleship family, and our Indian friends, we have had visitors all but about 4 weeks out of the entire almost ten months we have lived here.

Whoa. 

But we praise God that we have the capacity to host, especially to our Indian friends who need a safe place when they are passing through. What an INCREDIBLE opportunity we have had to sit on the floor and listen to the stories of our brothers and sisters in Christ from cultures so different from our own. From what we can count, we have had Indians from three countries and seven different tribes sit and share a meal and a story with us. Unbelievable.

It’s been a stretching experience, no doubt. There have been times I have thought I might lose my mind. God is constantly teaching us selflessness, to have a servant’s heart, and patience. Worth it, for sure.

7) Our Brown Eyed Daughter

We’ve always wanted to adopt. We’ve talked about it since we were teenagers.

But we sure didn’t expect to do it during our first year on the mission field!!

That’s how God works sometimes, though, and we are so thankful. When this little girl first showed up at our front door, I fell in love. Richard knew it and he too was soon smitten. Don’t ask me how a dirty, disobedient, smelly, nearly toothless little girl off the street with life experiences no one should have could capture our heart, but she did.

Through a series of events, this little girl took up residence in our home on August 23 and we began the process to give her our last name. It’s been, without a doubt, the most difficult months of our lives. There have been days that we have asked ourselves, “What have we done???”

But what a transformation we have seen!! That dirty little girl from the street is now a beautiful, loving child whose heart has beentransformed by the Holy Spirit. 

A beautiful picture of God’s redemption story in each of our lives.

Amazing.

8) In Our Spare Time, Let’s Start a Children’s Home

While we have had the privilege of making Mariclene our own, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of other kids on the streets of this small town in need of a safe place. Not long after we moved here, we met our neighbor Rosa. She has been a GOD-SEND in our lives and we, quite frankly, probably wouldn’t have survived this long without her and her servant’s heart. True story. Anyway, she has a heart for children, so our wheels started turning.

For months we planned, prayed, schemed. Fast-forward and earlier this month God miraculously provided the funds to purchase a small home to start the first ever children’s home in Benjamin Constant. WOOHOO!!

We have a ways to go before it will be an operating home, taking in abused and abandoned children, but the work is underway. God is so good!!

9) A Trip to the States

In July we were able to go to the States for a 10 day visit. We are so thankful that God gave us this time with family and friends since our furlough that was planned form October was delayed due to the adoption.

God’s good to give us those little blessings.

10) We Survived

That’s sort of how we feel at this point.

They say your first year on the mission field is hard. They are just being nice. It’s harder.

But looking back at all that we have gone through, learned, experienced, we can truly say that we are thankful for the trials because without them there is no victory.

We’ve cried. We’ve been overwhelmed. We’ve been lonely. We’ve wanted to give up .

We’ve had people we thought were friends turn their backs on us. We’ve had things said about us that weren’t true. We’ve poured ourselves into others just to watch them go down the wrong path...

And it taught us to forgive. It taught us to love better. It taught us that we are sinners, too.

It taught us that it is God that sustains us.

Through the tears and laughter, trials and victories, ups and downs, God is good.

Thanks for walking this journey with us. 

Here's to another great year in 2014.

Glimpse at the Good

In the midst of the hard, like little beams of light breaking through the clouds, God gives us little glimpses of what He’s doing here to keep us going.

Here’s a list of some of the great things God has and is doing in our part of the world.

--We are facilitating the start of the very first children’s home in Benjamin Constant. It will be called “Bendita Esperança” (Blessed Hope) and is an extension of the Blessed Hope ministry of The Common Thread Community, our mission board.

Pray for this project. We must act to break the cycle of alcoholism, teen pregnancy, drug addiction, abortion, and prostitution in this small town, and it starts with reaching the next generation for Christ.

--We are discipling a young Jagua Indian couple that is living in our home.

Their tribe consists of 6-8,000 people. They’re passionate about reaching their own for Christ. We’re pouring into them so they can pour into others. We are working to get the Jagua Bible (partially translated) onto audio devices so that every single Jagua family can have access to the Word, regardless of their reading abilities. Pray.

--Richard is coordinating the Indigenous Seminary--started by Indians, attended by Indians. They have asked Richard to organize and structure the ins and outs as that is not a strong point in Indigenous cultures.

Lord willing, more than 160 Indians from 5 different tribes will gather together for the entire month of January to study God’s Word, many for the first time. Professors from four different countries will teach courses in two different languages, all with the goal of equipping these young men and women to go back to their own people to disciple new believers.

--We are adopting a little girl who, without the hope of Christ, was on the track to become a drug-addicted prostitute like her birth mother. God has brought her into our family, a beautiful depiction of the Gospel.

We meet with the Judge during the first week of October. Pray for a smooth process.

--Richard will be in the States for two weeks in November to raise $300K for the helicopter.

With this tool, we will be able to reach more tribes deep in the Javari Valley who are dying from preventable disease and treatable injuries in an effort to demonstrate the Love that motivates us. It’s a lot of money, no doubt. But we serve the God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills… and the hills the cattle are on… so He’ll provide it all in His timing.

--Marcos Mayoruna continues to disciple young men (currently there are 15) from the Javari Valley who have come to study in a small town not far from us. Through Marcos, they receive biblical training and discipleship as well as lodging, food, and other basic needs.

The Javari Project continues to help provide many of these needs, freeing Marcos to do more ministry in the Javari. Thank you to those of you who sponsor these young men through this project.

Thank you for your prayers.

Thank you for your encouragement.

Thank you for your giving.

God is at work.

If you would like to donate to our ministry or any of these projects, please visit

https://onrealm.org/commonthread/register

One More Month of "Normal"

Last November, we were living in NC for about a month and a half as Richard worked on his helicopter license. I started attending a MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) group while we were there. It was very encouraging for me during that time and I met a lot of great women.

One very sweet young mom asked me a question that has stuck with me ever since. After learning of where we were going and what we were doing, she asked,

"But how do you make life "stable" for your little boy? We're working hard right now to provide a stable home and environment for our son... how do you do that in the Jungle??"

For a moment, I felt baffled because I didn't know what to say. Immediately, James 1.5 popped into my head: "Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives to all generously and without criticizing, and it will be given to him."

For wisdom I prayed. Hard. I wanted to answer well because I could tell she was really searching.

And as I opened my mouth I felt like the Holy Spirit was speaking through me with this answer:

"We will just raise him to know that the only true stability in life is Christ. Beyond that, nothing is stable. Our health, our home, our jobs, our vehicles... all of it can pass away. But Jesus... He's not going anywhere."

Here we are, less than 4 weeks out from our international move and I find myself in our last month of "normal". And I ask myself, "Is Jesus my stability? Am I OK without these "things"? Will I survive without my family and friends?"

And as each day passes, I find myself relishing each "normal" thing as it comes and goes:

A trip to the grocery store for a few things.
Rocking Elliott in his rocking chair and laying him in his crib-converted-big-boy-bed.
Folding laundry in the laundry room while Elliott plays with Capo (our boxer) in the back yard.
Facebook messaging with friends.
Trips to Chick-Fil-A, Moe's, and Target.
A text to my mom.
Loading the dishwasher.
Turning down the air conditioner.
Pulling out of the driveway.
Stopping by my mom's house.

All of these things and more have been my "normal" for my whole life. And now that I am in the last few weeks of them, suddenly the past almost four years of support raising don't seem like they were that long. Suddenly each thing that I used to just do seems like a luxury that I hold onto for a little bit longer:

Taking a warm shower.
Filling the water pitcher from the kitchen sink.
Cooking dinner.
Flushing the toilet.
Going to our home church.
Dinner with friends.

And it's emotional. But it's beautiful.

That seems to be the ebb and flow of this journey:

fun and hard
exhilarating and exhausting
exciting and challenging
up and down
old and new
beautiful and scary



The other night as I rocked Elliott to sleep, long after his eyes had closed and he slipped off to dreamland, I continued to hold him and think of all the memories contained in the four walls of this home turned house-almost-sold. Tears came to my eyes as I thought of opening wedding gifts in the living room, cooking meals in the kitchen, laughing as we watched movies on the couch, bringing Elliott home from the hospital, playing games in his bedroom floor and laughing so hard we cried over dinner with friends.

And again I felt the Holy Spirit whisper sweetly to my soul, "This is good. This is how it was planned and it is good."

I found a peace in my heart that I had missed before. Somewhere in all the packing and e-mail writing and planning and running-around-like-a-chicken-with-my-head-cut-off, I had missed this still small voice whispering to me all along saying,

"Those are the beautiful memories I gave you. I want you to cherish them and love them. But don't hold on so long you miss what I have in store for you next. It's beautiful, too."

And that's when I felt it for the first time. I've known for years that this was the journey we would take and I've been excited but for once I had an overwhelming peace that it was OK for this chapter to close. This one of security and comfort.

And I didn't get a peace that said this new chapter would be easy or comfortable. He didn't promise there would be no heartache or pain. But He said, "I'm with you. And it's beautiful. Trust me."

And I cried as I rocked Elliott, but the tears were tears of joy and praise that this Almighty God would look past my fears and doubts and worries and somehow allow little, faithless me to be a part of His work. And I felt so small and humble and weak, but He felt so big and worthy and strong.

So I choose to enjoy these little moments of "normal" until our "new normal" comes along.

And, though I will no doubt fail, I choose to let Christ be my stability.

Because He's not going anywhere.

God, I Need You

God, I need you today.

I need you because I can't be the mom or wife I need to be.

I need you because I worry about what people are thinking and saying.

I need you because I seem to always forget that I should ask you for help before trying to take it on myself.

I need you because some days I'm scared of the calling you've given us and some days I'm afraid you picked the wrong person.

I need you because I'm tired.

I need you because people let me down. I need you because I let people down.

I need you because sometimes religion seems safer--easier--than faith.

I need you because the old me is still here, fighting for my energy and draining me in the process.

I need you because this world is so broken that sometimes it overwhelms me to the point I want to just give up.

And I thank you today.

Thank you that you are a good God.

That you have freed me from the chains of religion and doubt and fear and faithlessness and anger and bitterness and the cares of this world.

Thank you that I am free to be who you created me to be. Thank you that I have a hope and a future that is beautiful because of who You are and not because of who I am.

Thank you that I am your child and that you have redeemed my soul and that I can be a slave to you and not myself.

Thank you that when I feel overwhelmed I can dig deep into your Word and by the time I'm done reading my heart and soul are screaming: "Thank you that I am FREE!"

God, you are so good.

Taste of God

One day a while back I was trying to put into words the way that God has been working in my heart.

I was trying to express the joy and freedom yet fear and humility. I was trying to explain how I was a slave to Christ and how freeing that was. I couldn't put into words how I was (am) learning to fear God and stand in awe of His power, yet come boldly before Him as His child... a child of the Creator of the Universe!

The look on this person's face was making it painfully evident that I wasn't doing a very good job of explaining myself. I ended the conversation with something lame like, "I don't really know how to explain it. It's just amazing."

Not long after that, I heard a Christian radio announcer discussing Psalm 34:8:

"Taste and see that the LORD is good.
How happy is the man who takes refuge in Him!"

That was it! Of course I couldn't explain adequately the transformation taking place in my heart on a daily basis. Each person has to taste it for themself!

I started thinking about this analogy of "tasting". It's interesting that of our five senses, God chose to use the sense of taste to describe experiencing His goodness.

You can smell something without being intentional at all (can I get a witness parents with little ones in diapers??) You can't really help it if you hear something. You may brush up against something and feel it unknowingly. Your eyes see thousands of things every day that you don't even notice.

But taste... that's something you have to be intentional about. It's something you have to make an effort to do. Think about it. It's a rare occassion that we don't purposefully put something in our mouth to taste it.

We look forward to tasting various kinds of food and drink every single day and we enjoy it.

That's how it is for us when we intentionally seek God. When we get a taste of Him, regardless of our circumstances or situations, we find that He is indeed good and His mercies are new each day (Lamentations 3:22-23).  When we experience His divine love and how He is intimately involved in every single detail of our lives (Psalm 139:16), words will fail us. When we taste His goodness, it's not something that can be put into words so that others can understand.

They gotta taste it themselves!

Oh that all would taste and see that the Lord is good!!

Out of Place, But In Place

I sat there watching Elliott as he slid down the slide, face first of course, and rolled off the end in a very dramatic barrel-roll kind of way. He got the biggest smile on his face and just laughed as he ran around to do it all over again for probably the twentieth time. He was in his own little world and only paused occasionally to wave at me, making sure I was just as impressed with him as he was. (I was, for the record :)

I admire his ability to adapt so quickly. He calls everyone his size a "friend" and doesn't think twice about those odd looks that children give each other as they observe other tiny people. He's wide-open and ambitious, and I love that.

Me, on the other hand, I felt very out of place in this little playground in the middle of the mall where moms were chatting and children screaming and babies nursing and pregnant bellies peeking out of jackets. I felt very out of place as I heard moms exchanging recipes and talking about the next play date or their most recent coupon deal. I can't remember the last time I went all-out grocery shopping, much less clipped a coupon and mom get-togethers are a rare occurrence for me.

My mind went back to last week when I had the same out-of-place feeling in a very different setting.

I was walking down the muddy embankment to wash my clothes in the Amazon river. I could hear the tall grass shaking as little lizards and, yes, snakes scurried away. I carefully eased onto the slippery "bolsa" (dock) and began rinsing my clothes in water that, when Stateside, I wouldn't even wash my dog in. As I leaned over to scoop up more water, I could feel the heat of the sun toasting my skin.

About that time a canoe full of Indians went past. I imagine that they weren't accustomed to seeing a pasty white woman scrubbing clothes on the bank of the river so they all stared, nudging one another to make sure that everyone got a good look. They literally didn't take their eyes off of me until I was out of sight. No one waved, no one smiled. They just stared. It's what Indians do.

And I felt very out of place.

I started talking to God about it.

"Um, You saw that, right God?" I asked Him. "I just want to be sure because sometimes I wonder why, if you knew that you were going to send me to the Amazon one day, that you would make me so different looking. Why would you give me light eyes and hair and skin? It's not that I'm upset about it, I just really do wonder why..."

He didn't really answer, in case you're wondering. And He didn't answer me at the playground yesterday when I asked why I felt so disconnected with other moms here in the States, even though I do look like them.

I know that part of it is due to the fact that we travel so much that I don't have a chance to connect on a deep level with other moms, here or in the Jung|e. That's a big part.

Richard says it's God's preparation for when we move deep into the Jung|e and I don't have access to constant communication and therefore I don't learn to depend on it. There's truth in that, too.

And maybe a little part of it is because God knows me really well and He knows that if I ever get too comfortable, it's hard for me to move. If I every really lock into a comfort zone, I don't make a lot of effort to go above and beyond for Him. It's just easier not to.

But whatever the reason, I know He has one. And even if I feel out of place physically, I know I'm ultimately in place in His plan. And even though it's a tough pill to swallow sometimes, His grace is sufficient.

He's just good like that.

All I Want for Christmas

When we are here in the USA, I find it very easy to get distracted by everything around me, especially with Christmas right around the corner. Every store and website is bombarding us with all the things we "need" and convincing us that these things are sure to make us happier. Or if it's not that they will make us happier, then it's certainly something that we deserve. After all, times are tough and we've worked hard!

And if I let my guard down for just a minute or two, I suddenly find myself thinking of me and my needs and my wants and my desires or those of my family. If I'm not careful I justify those thoughts by telling myself things like, "Well, we have had a really busy year" or "Well, I don't usually buy things for myself" or "It would be nice..."

It is in that moment that I have to be intentional about taking every thought captive. The Apostle Paul says this:

"We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." (2 Cor 10:4b-6)

It is not that these "things" around me are bad in and of themselves. A lot of them are beautiful or useful or fun. It is that I allow my heart to desire them.

When I get into this mode where I am getting overwhelmed by my fleshly desires and wants, if I take a minute to stop and evaluate what it really is that I'm seeking, I always find that it's something of little value and something that I know will only bring momentary enjoyment.

If I take a moment and listen to the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear, above the noise of this world, I find Him saying, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you." (Matthew 6:33)

Then I smile and find that  these desires fade away. It's not that I have peace knowing God will give me all these earthly "things" that I think I want, because that's not it at all.

No, He's saying, "I'm enough. Seek me and you'll see that".

Suddenly I don't desire these earthly possessions anymore because I know that it is only God who can fulfill me. And that I don't deserve anything but by His grace and through His Son He has already given me everything.

And a new outfit or camera or i-gadget doesn't compare to that.

It's often in those moments I'm reminded of those times when we are in the Jung|e, and I look into the faces of these beautiful, naked kids and I see these women who just want to know true love and we hear the chants of the witchdoctors as they summon up the spirits again in a futile effort to make the lives of the natives better and I hear about that little baby who died from dehydration and I think about how spoiled I am and how unworthy I am.

And I can't find it in me to care about what's under the tree this year.

When we travel to these churches, no matter how big or small, and I meet fellow missionaries and believers who God is using in unconventional and incredible ways in Africa and Asia and the Middle East and Europe and all over Central and South America and right here in the USA, somehow I can't focus on anything else but how big our God is and how awesome and humbling it is that He would use us to do anything at all for Himself.

Suddenly my heart is saying, "What can I give?" and "How can I help?" and "I am so spoiled!"

All I can see is Christ and the Gospel and everything else seems to fade away. And I know that these aren't my thoughts at all. We already saw what my desires were apart from Him! But Paul teaches "for it is God who is working in us, [enabling us] both to will and to act for His good purpose." (Philippians 2.13)

Jesus said,  "Don't collect for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy

and where thieves break in and steal.

But collect for yourselves treasures in heaven,

where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves

don't break in and steal."

By God's grace, that's all I want for Christmas.



Thankful Thursday: God's Wisdom

Today, I'm just thankful for God's wisdom. It's pure. It's honest. It never fails.

That's what I desire to have. God's wisdom. And He says He'll give it to us if we ask. So I've been asking a lot lately.

I haven't blogged a lot in a while. It's not because I don't have anything on my mind. It's actually just the opposite. I have a lot on my mind, but I don't know how to put it into words in a way that will be edifying to the Body of Christ and glorifying to God Himself.

So God, right now, has given me wisdom to just keep my mouth shut for a while. He's good like that.

Dear God, I Guess It's Over,

Dear God,

Tonight, they gave up. I'll be honest, that's hard for me to swallow.

I had started to have hope. I had started to believe that at least he was going to make those hard decisions. But she was like that deceitful woman in Proverbs that You told us about... and he was no match.

So, it's over now. And I don't know how I feel about that.

Part of me is relieved. That means no more late night phone calls. No more long hours of counseling and mentoring. No more money being spent. No more back and forth, up and down.

Part of me is angry. We spent a lot of money, time, energy, and missed a lot of sleep and time as a family, sacrificing this so that they could hopefully see You. And they threw it all away.

Part of me is heart broken. I'm heart broken for what could have been. I'm heart broken that they couldn't see it and they didn't think it was worth it to follow You. I'm heart broken that they threw it all away.

And part of me is confused. I know we did all that You said we should do. We didn't hold back. We loved unconditionally. We sacrificed willingly [ok, maybe it wasn't always willingly....] We literally poured ourselves out.

And tonight they break our trust and do what they promised not to do and then have the nerve to call and tell us that they don't ever want to talk to us again and we don't need to bother coming by in the morning. Tonight they will sleep the last night in the hotel room that we paid for. They will eat the food that we paid for. Tomorrow he will put on the shoes that Richard gave him and they will use the bags that we gave them to pack up their things and go out on the streets because they literally have nowhere else to go.

And I just cling to Your promise that You gave in Isaiah 55.11 "so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

I don't really know what that means. I don't know what Your purpose is for this. I don't know what You will have for them or why You brought them into our lives. I just don't know.

But I do know that You are good. And You are true to Your Word.

I also know that I'm a different person now than I was two weeks ago. And if that's all You were trying to accomplish, well, thank You. Thank You for being sovereign. Thank You for knowing us better than we know ourselves. Thank You for loving us enough to teach us.

1 Peter 1.6-7 says, "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

If all of this results in glory for Your name, then it was worth it all.

So, I guess it's over on our end. But I know You're still up to something. Because You're just good like that.

May Your Name Be Glorified,
Ashley

Dear God, That Was Unexpected

Dear God,

Remember the other day when I asked You to send someone our way that we could be a blessing to? And remember how not long ago I asked You to take me out of my comfort zone? And remember how a little while back I had asked You to teach me a little bit about what it meant to serve You and it actually cost me something?

Ok, well, I guess I didn't expect You to answer all three of those, like, at the same time.

For real, though. I wasn't expecting that.

But, since You have, and since You are sovereign and all knowing and never make mistakes, I'm now asking you for a little bit a lot of wisdom. And by a lot I mean A LOT. Like, the biggest dose You can give me without my brain exploding.

And, also, since You were so quick to answer those three requests I mentioned above, could You also answer this one really quickly?

You're awesome. Seriously. I am literally in awe of You and who You are.

I looked up the definition of "awe" and it means: "an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like"

That's basically a perfect description of how I feel right now.

But also, I feel overwhelmed by my inadequacy. I'm overwhelmed by my lack of faith, my selfishness, my helplessness, and my overall inability to go more than five minutes without once again relying on myself rather than You.

So thanks for being all that You are and never giving up on me and for loving me enough to stretch me and grow me. You're so good like that.

Love Your Modern Day Doubting Thomas,
Ashley

A Beautiful Ending

My Thankful Thursday post this past week mentioned a young man, Austin Foraker, who died tragically last weekend in a drowning accident. He was only 19.

Austin was in Richard's small group for a couple of years and his sister, Kaylee, was in mine for three years. One of their biggest prayer requests that I can remember Kaylee mentioning nearly every week was her step-dad's salvation. He was not a believer and they were both very burdened for him.

Over the last several weeks, I have seen Kaylee's Facebook statuses as she's talked about little things she's noticed in her step-dad's life.... almost as if God was preparing him for something.

Fast-forward to yesterday at the funeral of his stepson. It was a beautiful ceremony as several shared about how Austin had impacted them, including his older brother, Jake. Dwight Martin, Austin's former youth pastor, was last to share and gave the Gospel. That's what Austin would have wanted.

It was then that the Holy Spirit did what only the Holy Spirit can: changed a heart for eternity. Austin's step dad's heart had been tilled. The soil was ready to receive the seed of the Gospel. God had been working for weeks, months, maybe even years through the prayers and testimonies of Austin and Kaylee and it all came together in a beautiful finale when the tragedy that took place last weekend ended in the salvation of a soul.

Austin would have never dreamed that his prayers would be answered this way. Maybe he imagined personally leading his step-dad to Christ. Maybe he pictured him coming to church and walking down the aisle to the front to give his life to Jesus once and for all. However he prayed, I don't think he considered that maybe it would take his own death to lead his step-dad to life.

But God is good like that.

It makes me stop and consider something. Would I be willing pray that even if it takes me giving my life, I would do that so a family member could be saved? What about a friend? What about a complete stranger?

Do I love Christ so much that I am willing to die so that others can live? Do I love souls that much?

Christ did that for me. He did that for you.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." -John 3.16



Only God can turn death into life.

Only One Friday is Good

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

-- Hebrews 12:2

Today I am reminded of how unworthy I am to be called a child of God. It's not fair that my King died for me on the cross 2,000 years ago. It's not fair that He who was perfect took my place. Your place.
 
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
--Romans 5.8
 
He didn't wait until we were clean. He died for us while we were still sinners so we could be clean. And even though I let Him down and turn my back on Him. Even though I insist on trying it my way first. Even though I am less than unworthy.
 
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

--John 3.16

God loved me so much that He gave His only Son, His perfect spotless Lamb, to take my place. He loves me unconditionally. He loves you unconditionally.

And it's not fair.

But the beauty of grace is it makes life not fair.

To say "thank you" is not enough. That's why I give my life to Him and hope to claim as Paul did,

But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

--1 Peter 4.13

Thankful Thursday: A Tough God

The past couple months have been a sort of roller coaster ride for me spiritually and emotionally. I feel like God's been vamping up the hard lessons and trying to teach me something... just not sure exactly what. Just being a bit transparent here.

Today I'm thankful for a tough God. And I mean that in every sense of the word.

I'm thankful for a God who doesn't back down on right and wrong and isn't afraid to discipline. Now that Elliott is at the age where he's making conscious decisions about what's right and wrong, we've entered the world of discipline [OK, maybe we've been there for several months now]... and it's much harder than I anticipated! Even after he does something wrong, when he looks up at me with those big blue eyes and little smirk, he's just so darn cute! But I know that as a parent it's my responsibility to love him enough to discipline. I've failed a time or two when he's had those big tears rolling down his face, but I'm so glad to know that God loves us so much, He disciplines exactly how we need it, exactly when we need it... and then He's there to wipe our tears and help us take the next step in the right direction.

I'm also thankful for a tough God who is powerful enough to pull us through the tough times. Monday was one of the most frightening days of my life. After lunch with Richard, I had an allergic reaction that landed me in the ER. I've never had to go to the ER for anything and I'd be OK if I never had to go back. At one point, I remember thinking that I was going to die and I just asked God to pull me through. I had this strange peace and even though I still thought it might be the end, it was good to know that I serve a God that has the power to choose... and what He chooses is always what's best.

He's also a God who can handle when we turn our back on Him. He's tough enough to stick with us, even when we act like we don't want Him. I can't imagine having that sort of resilience if the person I loved and had given my only son for treated me like that. So many times I ignore Him or try it my way when He's trying to show me what's best. It's like slapping Him in the face. But every time I find that I'm at the end of my rope, when I turn back around,  He's right there waiting for me.

He's a tough God. And He's good like that.

Trying to Out-Give God

Sounds ridiculous to try to out-give God, right?

It is.

But it's also fun to try!

This past month we've been trying to get rid of a lot of stuff, including a lot of Elliott's baby things he has outgrown. Most people would say to hold on to it all since we plan to have another child in the future, but we hope and pray to be in Brazil by that point so we won't be bringing it all with us anyway. So we were able to give most of his big items to a family at our church who just had a PRECIOUS baby boy. We were so glad that we were able to be a blessing to them.

We could have sold the items and gotten a little money to buy E some shoes and a couple of other things that he "needs" but we decided to see how God would take care of us.

The next week, He gave us $460 that we weren't expecting. The items we gave wouldn't have been worth that if we had sold them. OUTDONE!

For E's birthday, instead of gifts we asked everyone to purchase a gift card or give a donation to a single mom of four at our church that has had a rough go for a while now. If I told you the story of what this family has been through, you'd think I was making it up. Anyway, we decided it would be much better to give to this family rather than have a ton of toys that Elliott would only play with for a few minutes or some clothes he would outrgrow in the next few months. Thanks to the generosity of those at the party, we raised $300 for this family! Praise the Lord!

So what happened next? Also while at the party, someone gave us a gift of $300. OUTDONE again!

So what's the lesson I've learned? Give, give, give! Don't give so you will get, but give freely from a joyful heart and you will no doubt watch as God moves in ways above and beyond what you would have imagined. He's good like that.

And when He blesses you again... give some more!

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20.35

[Disclaimer: We are not implying that by giving, you will automatically receive or that you should give for the purpose of receiving. We just want to share how God has blessed us recently and give Him the glory. He is good and He is faithful, all the time... even if He doesn't provide like we think He should!]

Elliott devouring his cake at his first b-day party!

Confessions of a Not-So-Super-Mom: Part Dos

Kind person: Here you go, Ashley. Elliott's paci fell on the floor.
Me: Oh, thank you. *takes paci, checks for hair and/or visible dirt, shrugs, gives it to Elliott* It'll build his immune system.
Kind person: *look of shock*

That's a good way to summarize my first year of parenting. 

As I reflect over the past year I'm reminded of something: I'm not a super mom.

You know what I'm talking about. Those moms who have it all together with their paci-wipes and phenomenal diaper changing skills [cloth only please] that put the seasoned daycare worker to shame and schedules that are precise down to the minute. The ones who breastfeed for at least the first year if not the second [more power to them, by the way!] and know all the dos and don'ts of parenting because they read every book and article they could find before baby arrived [and they'll be happy to share some advice if you want... or even if you don't]. They read at least five books a night to their child and know exactly which toys are appropriate for their age to stimulate their ever-growing brain. They don't miss a routine visit to the pediatrician and could recite the vaccine schedule to you if you'd like to jot it down. 

I'm not that mom.

I'm the one who can't for the life of me remember to pack everything I need. More than once [ok, MANY times] I've had to stop at the closest Wal-Mart or CVS to get the most basic of supplies that my diaper bag has lacked. Bottles, diapers, wipes... you know name it, I've forgotten it. So you can bet there wasn't a paci wipe within reach.

I looked like [and felt like] a deer in the headlights at least the first three months as I fumbled about changing diapers, sometimes 3 or 4 within a 5 minute span, getting sprayed in the face and mixing bottles [yes, formula] and trying to remember if I had scheduled that appointment....

I work full time so after six weeks of trying to figure out what in the world I was supposed to do with this crying, pooping, sleep-all-day-up-all-night little bundle of goodness, I was back at the workplace trying to now figure out how to function on no sleep and be decent employee and maintain my wife and motherly duties.

The items on my plate had multiplied but for some reason the plate itself was the same size.

I could have probably filled a small swimming pool with the tears that I cried those first few months. I just knew that this kid was going to be warped for life. How could he not be? After all, some nights I was so exhausted I didn't give him a bath or *gasp* read one book, much less five. I quit breastfeeding after one month and had to experiment to get the right formula for his little tummy.

To top it all off, fast forward to 5.5 months and we're traveling internationally with him to the Jung|e. Before he reached one he had been to four countries outside the US, all of which were third world. He's been passed around Indian villages and ridden backseat in our laps in a taxi more times than I can count. He's played in mud and eaten leaves and torn butterflies in half. He's a very ambitious boy and has the bumps and bruises to prove it.

*sigh*

I think I'm the most unconventional mom I know. The first kid is just trial and error anyway, right??

I used to feel guilty that I didn't follow the rules. Should I really let him cry it out? Is it too early to discipline? I don't think they're supposed to be exposed to sweets until they're at least one....  Is it ok for him to be in this walker? Is it safe to travel overseas? What about vaccinations? Is soy or milk based formula better? Is this toy too advanced or not advanced enough? Am I stimulating his mind enough? I don't think he can watch TV yet... Is it time to take the paci away? Will his teeth be ruined because we gave him a paci in the first place??

The choices are endless when it comes to how to parent your child and EVERYONE has an opinion [and their's is the right one of course]. Fortunately, the Bible has more than a little to say about it and one verse that I've claimed more than anything in this past year is James 1.5:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

I've found myself everyday saying, "Hey, God. This is me coming to you lacking a lot of wisdom. Can I make a withdrawal from your wisdom bank, please?"

And the best part is, every time I've asked, He's come through.

He's good like that.

So, while I may not be a super mom and may not do things like they're "supposed to be done" all the time, I have a resource that far exceeds today's parenting gurus. I have a God that has given me wisdom and a healthy baby boy to prove that no matter what the "professionals" may say, my God knows best.

My plan for parenting? I'll continue teaching him, loving him, picking him up when he [once again] loses his battle with gravity, and most of all raise him to know a personal God who loves Him so much He gave His only Son.

Seems to be working so far....

Elliott with the locals at 5.5 months.

Elliott playing in the Jung|e mud at 9 months.

 My happy, healthy boy at almost one year! Praise God!