(This Thankful Thursday post is a little early, but I gotta post when I have internet!)
I’ve cried a lot over the last few days. And I’m not a
crier, y’all.
It all started on Monday when I felt led to finally post
something about our adoption and the struggle it has been. I read it and
re-read it. I hesitated. I prayed about it. And I did it.
I had no idea what the result would be but I braced myself
for criticism. My words were transparent, hard, and that’s not always well
received.
Instead, I got an immense outpouring of love and
understanding. I literally couldn’t keep up with my inbox for the e-mails and
comments on my blog. I’ve never experienced anything like that before and it
made me cry to think that there is a whole big community out there of people
who are walking this same road, fighting hard for these kiddos that we love so
much but feel overwhelmed with the day to day battles.
To all who read and heard and
understood and spoke words of hope and healing or who shared your story and
your struggle, you blessed me immensely. You thanked me, but I thank YOU!
To the few who read and didn’t get it but felt led to
comment anyway, I hear you, too. I didn’t get it either. I still don’t most
days. But God is faithful!
To the adoptees who spoke out, thank you. Your words are necessary to this story. You are our heart in this, after all. If my words hurt, I am sorry. The reality is I was not adopted as a child so I do not understand your perspective, but oh how I want to! I want to hear from you. I want to learn from you. Please be patient with us as we learn and we will strive to do the same.
To the one who suggested that saying to stop romanticizing
adoption would be like saying to stop romanticizing marriage, I hear what you
say. But what I’m trying say is that marriage is beautiful, but we still have
marriage conferences and blogs and books about the difficulties it can and
often does bring. Let’s do the same for us adoptive families who are struggling
in this fight to help our kids see and feel this love we have. If you want to
defend the kids (and praise God you do!), reinforce the parents. Admitting that marriage can be hard and
addressing those issues does not keep others from getting married and I know
that those who are called to adopt will no more let this hinder them than the
mountains of paperwork and years of waiting. It will just help them be better
prepared for the potential challenges ahead.
To the one who said they are “worried” about me, thank you
for your concern. I’ve worried about me, too! But God is good and His grace is
sufficient. Thank you for offering the resource suggestions. I will definitely
look into those! I’m always open to suggestions and learning and growing on
this journey that all too often seems like too much. I don’t have all the
answers, I just have the one: Jesus. And oh how good He is!!
To the one who said I sounded self-righteous, oh how God
knows that is not true. The times are innumerable that I have cried out to God
and told Him he picked the wrong person for this job because I am so broken
myself. I am filthy rags outside of the grace of God and I need His new mercy
every morning. Please choose your words carefully, friend. I appreciate that
you are knowledgeable but I pray our knowledge will never cloud our words of
love and compassion. Knowledge without love is useless (1 Corinthians 13.2).
Yes, this journey has been incredibly lonely (we live in the Amazon Jungle!) but
God is ever present and meets our every need. That’s the beauty of grace that
He can use sinners like my husband and myself to speak truth into the life of
this precious child of ours. This was me reaching out for the community that
you suggest and God in all His great goodness has provided it.
To the one who referenced their adopted child as
“store-bought”, I respectfully had to delete your comment. It was offensive to
several adoptees who were reading the comments and that is the last thing we
want.
To the commenter who referenced me as “original poster” and
said I made a mistake talking about the hard, hi, my name is Ashley and I am your sister in Christ. Let’s choose our words carefully and remember that just because we
can’t see each other’s faces, there are real people on the other side of that
screen. I actually had to re-read my post because I thought maybe I had missed
something in there because your words were so intense. We live six houses away
from the house where my daughter suffered all kinds of abuse and we see her
biological parents and her abusers on a regular basis. I feel your hurt for your oldest who
still remembers her mother, friend, and I understand. We’re in this together so let’s build one
another up. We’re on the same team.
If you commented, I want you to know I prayed for you. Each
and every one. I went name by name, even those who were anonymous (that were
many) and I prayed specifically for you. That’s all I know to do at this point. Maybe God is up to something much bigger?
To all who e-mailed, I will respond!! The internet here is
hit or miss, so it may take some time. Thank you for sharing your stories. They
have given me a breath of fresh air on this journey and I am forever grateful!
God is so good. I feel like I’ve just come upon an oasis in
this desert and now I’m surrounded by other families drinking in deep from the
Living Water.
This journey just got a little more beautiful.
