Dear God, I Guess It's Over,

Dear God,

Tonight, they gave up. I'll be honest, that's hard for me to swallow.

I had started to have hope. I had started to believe that at least he was going to make those hard decisions. But she was like that deceitful woman in Proverbs that You told us about... and he was no match.

So, it's over now. And I don't know how I feel about that.

Part of me is relieved. That means no more late night phone calls. No more long hours of counseling and mentoring. No more money being spent. No more back and forth, up and down.

Part of me is angry. We spent a lot of money, time, energy, and missed a lot of sleep and time as a family, sacrificing this so that they could hopefully see You. And they threw it all away.

Part of me is heart broken. I'm heart broken for what could have been. I'm heart broken that they couldn't see it and they didn't think it was worth it to follow You. I'm heart broken that they threw it all away.

And part of me is confused. I know we did all that You said we should do. We didn't hold back. We loved unconditionally. We sacrificed willingly [ok, maybe it wasn't always willingly....] We literally poured ourselves out.

And tonight they break our trust and do what they promised not to do and then have the nerve to call and tell us that they don't ever want to talk to us again and we don't need to bother coming by in the morning. Tonight they will sleep the last night in the hotel room that we paid for. They will eat the food that we paid for. Tomorrow he will put on the shoes that Richard gave him and they will use the bags that we gave them to pack up their things and go out on the streets because they literally have nowhere else to go.

And I just cling to Your promise that You gave in Isaiah 55.11 "so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

I don't really know what that means. I don't know what Your purpose is for this. I don't know what You will have for them or why You brought them into our lives. I just don't know.

But I do know that You are good. And You are true to Your Word.

I also know that I'm a different person now than I was two weeks ago. And if that's all You were trying to accomplish, well, thank You. Thank You for being sovereign. Thank You for knowing us better than we know ourselves. Thank You for loving us enough to teach us.

1 Peter 1.6-7 says, "In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

If all of this results in glory for Your name, then it was worth it all.

So, I guess it's over on our end. But I know You're still up to something. Because You're just good like that.

May Your Name Be Glorified,
Ashley